Daymares

There are times when one may have a line of thoughts that vanishes as fast as they came and then you wonder if you truly ever thought it. Those types of thoughts our lovely even though fleeting. Because either good or bad they will never haunt you. Imagine the worst moments in life, the harsh words said, all the sadness and anger bunched into a burst of mental anguish. Now imagine not being able to control the flow or even to stop it.

This is how it feels every day and every night, a string of nightmares while your still awake. The obsession of failure, betrayal, lies, abuse, invading every second of your life. It is simple for people to say just think only of the positive, to a person who has no control. It's like a detached voice in your head that taunts and ridicules relentlessly. You search for anything to numb it and want it desperately to go away.

 Just because I have these thoughts does not mean I believe they are logical. I am very grateful for my life and many have it much worst than I. I will always be grateful with the good and the bad.

 But feeling of fear is brought on by this experience, many of us are afraid of what we can't control. Fear of judgement and isolation is what comes when we seek help and speak out. Humans can be very cruel, no matter how hard you try to be good or what is supposedly normal you will never appease the doctors that believe you need more drugs, or the mates that whisper when you turn away.


© 2014 Crystalina A. Scales